Much appreciated breakfast volunteers: Lucille van Orizande and Michelle Englefield

As we deal with the subject of Father/Son relationships we will endeavor to look at three distinctly different but interconnected categories. Those three are the relationship between a father and his son as:

1. A child,
2. A young person, and
3. An adult.

• Deuteronomy 5: 16 - the fifth commandment
• Deuteronomy 6:6-7 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
• Proverbs 17:6 Children's children are a crown of the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.
• Proverbs 20:7 The righteous man leads a blameless life, blessed are his children after him.
• Proverbs 20:11 Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.
• Proverbs 22: 15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
• Ecclesiastes 12:1 Remember your creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come...
• Acts 16:31 ...Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved – you and your household.
• I Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child I thought like a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put childish ways behind me.
• I Corinthians 15: 45–49 The first man Adam became a living being, the last Adam, a life giving Spirit... (Relationship between God and man)
• Colossians 3: 20–21 Children obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Ephesians 6:4
• I Thessalonians 2: 11 – 12 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
• I Timothy 4: 8 For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.
• Hebrews 12: 1 – 2 Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

1. AS A CHILD

COMMUNICATE

• Tell your son you love him. From the moment he is born. Did/do you?
• Are we absentee fathers? Are you an invisible Dad? Did/do we leave it up to our wives?
• We have a natural sinful inclination to fall away from our responsibilities. Christ is our example, also when he accepted His responsibilities. Psalm 40: 7 - 8
• How do you show affection to your son?
• Do you play with your son (or wrestle)?
• Are you able to discipline your son and how do you do that when they are at a young age? Discipline creates order in the family unit.
• Do you establish boundaries and set the terms of engagement?
• Do you lead by example and how can your son see that, also in relation to how you treat his mother, sister?
• What values do you convey? Honest, integrity, gentleness to name a few. What impact does that have on a child?
• What type of moral character do you convey?
• Should your son be held accountable for his actions? How?
• Do you teach him responsibility?
• How do you teach your son about God? What is the relationship between God and fathers and fathers and son?
• How do you praise God together as father and son?
• How do you teach him who God is and show him his responsibility towards God?
• Do you reinforce the truth of scripture?
• Does singing songs play a role in your modeling? (Eph. 5: 18–19, Col. 3: 16)

2. AS A YOUNG PERSON/ADULT

COMMUNICATE

Robert Lewis suggests that a young person should be schooled in three critical areas.

1. A will to work
2. A work to do
3. A woman to love

1. Loyalty – Hosea 6:6
2. Servant/leadership – Mat. 20: 26–27
3. Kindness – Proverbs 19:22
4. Humility – Philippians 2:3
5. Purity – I Tim. 4:12
6. Honesty – Ephesians 4:25
7. Self discipline I Tim. 4: 7–8
8. Excellence I Corinthians 9:24
9. Integrity - Proverbs 10:9
10. Perseverance – Gal. 6:9

In a young man's life the issue of an absentee Dad becomes even more important. Unfortunately, it is also the time when most men are very busy with their careers, personal well-being and desires, and dealing with the pressures of everyday living. It is a stage that we sometimes do not want to deal with or simply say, oh well, they'll grow out of it. Although it is said that what you teach your children in the first 4 years will have a lasting impression, how you conduct yourself according to principles you have taught comes under the microscope, and we are challenged then to practice what we preach. It is also a great time in that our faith in God is strengthened in being able to raise our sons in the fear of His name. Many of the questions in the first section relate directly to our sons as young people. Although we will add a few more questions here, please return to them.

• What does he believe about God and His role in his life?
• How does your son use scripture effectively and how must you help him?
• Are you able to build him up as a son of God?
• Do you teach him what it means to live with Christ?
• Do you set high standards?
• He is a unique individual; can you appreciate and deal with that?
• Do you help him with his homework; give guidance for a future career?
• Do you take pride in your son's accomplishments?
• What are his responsibilities to himself, his father, and his family?
• Does he respect you as having the authority given by God to lead?
• How does today's world with its huge helping of sin affect him? His moral character.
• How do you teach him about the role of the female gender? Do you deal with feminism?
• What do you do when no one is looking?
• Do you talk about sex, how and why God has made it special for a man and a woman to cleave to one another?
• How does a young man know he is a man?
• What is the definition of manhood?

Robert Lewis suggests there are four major manhood principals that we must teach our sons.

1. A real man rejects passivity – Genesis 3:5
2. A real man accepts responsibility – Psalm 40: 7 –8
3. A real man leads courageously – 1 Corinthians 11: 3
4. A real man expects the great reward – John 10:10

3. AS AN ADULT

COMMUNICATE

During the prior two stages and into this one, the relationship between a father and son changes. It is a natural, God-given and God-directed progression. Becoming an adult and still relating to your father as a Christian carries it own unique set of responsibilities. If a man still lives at home, the relationship with his father can be a real challenge for now there are two men (or more) in the household.

• How do you work out your faith with fear and trembling?
• Do you display the virtues of a man? (II Peter 2)
• Are you able to discuss with you father on an even plain?
• Does he respect you and do you respect him?
• The challenge of the 5th commandment still remains, regardless of age.
• Do you abide by his rules? Will your dad change them to suit the situation?
• Do you share responsibilities, i.e.: Scripture reading, prayer, and meditation?
• Does your father respect you as an adult?
• As a son, being a man, can/do you build up your father and encourage him when he needs it?
• Can you hold each other accountable?
• Does your dad understand you as a unique individual, and you him?
• If your father is wrong, can you show him where? Does he accept it?
• Do you still love each other?

The book Raising a Modern Day Knight spends considerable time dealing with the knight and ceremonies. It says, "Ceremony should be one of the crown jewels for helping a boy become a man. In many cultures throughout history, a teenage boy is taken through some type of ritual to mark his official passage into manhood. I believe one of the great tragedies of Western culture today is the absence of this type of ceremony." Would you agree?